self help – The 100

SEMP and Necessary Adult Peace Sessions

Day 8…

I find that my goals fall into a few different categories. Spiritual, anything that improves my relationship with Jehovah. Emotional, anything that improves my relationships with those around me. Mental, anything that strengthens my mind or increases my understanding of the world. And Physical, anything that strengthens my physicality.

So spiritual goals would include reading the bible daily, check-in prayers and bible study each week. Emotional goals include being patient, entering each conversation with a focus on building the other up and…yes…being kind to animals – No kicking the dog! Mental goals have me make my bed each morning, engage in one creative task per day and read. Physical? Move each day (Zumba anyone?) cold showers and intermittent fasting.

Although I do find these categories often bleed into each other so the labels are more for organization than an absolute designation of each goal. For instance, what I eat (physical) affects my mood (mental), which affects my relationships (emotional). So you could label my goal of moving each day a physical goal, but it has benefits for mental and emotional health as well.

Another, more specific, example of this is ‘take a cold shower each morning.’ I’ve listed this as a mental goal, I do this for a few different reasons. I hate cold showers. Let me rephrase that “I…HATE…cold showers.” I never look forward to doing this, never once have I said “Can’t wait to jump into that freezing cold shower!!” But I do it anyways because it is a crystal clear reminder that in order to achieve what I want each day, it isn’t always going to be comfortable. It will be difficult, but once I decide to do something (in this case, take a cold shower) …I just need to do it. I had a sales manager back in my previous life that used to speak about “paralysis by analysis.” Basically, if you spend too much time thinking about something you’ll never get it done. Yes, it’s important to think things out, but once you’ve decided on a course you have to start walking in that direction. Don’t use thinking as a way to avoid action.

Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first be overcome.
Samuel Johnson

And so, I take a one minute cold shower each morning. Doesn’t sound very long, but trust me…it’s long. But something interesting happens after I get out…I feel great! It’s energizing…mentally AND physically. The payoff is immediate. One minute of being uncomfortable leads to a day of productivity. One minute of my day to strengthen willpower, elevate my mood and provide mental clarity. And I haven’t even touched on the physical benefits of cold showers – increased circulation, weight loss, joint health, stress relief, thick…luscious…shiny hair – OK, I may have over reached with the thick part, but it definitely helps the look of what I have left! Which is exactly my point, I have this listed as a mental goal, but it influences my entire life. It benefits me mentally, emotionally and physically and contributes to completing other, more important, activities.

Take home point: Is procrastination stealing your time? Start taking cold showers.

But as much as one goal can positively influence other areas of your life, the opposite is true as well. One needs to be careful with this, because the domino’s can start falling if you let them. For instance, I missed practicing Spanish yesterday, might as well get a box of donuts and settle in for afternoon of binge watching Hoarders (doesn’t that show make you feel so much better about your own organizational skills?) This has been called ‘All or Nothing Thinking’ and can be detrimental to ones self esteem, but more on that in a future post.

So it’s good to know what triggers a failure in one area or another. I find most things can be traced back to a lack of sufficient sleep. If you are going to focus on any one goal that will influence everything you do or at least how well you do it. Sleep is a great place to start. Jeff Bezos gets eight hours a night, Einstein got ten per night! Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison were both big “nap” enthusiasts. Each taking time out for power naps – 20 minutes – to recharge.

Take home point: Do you want to be a genius? Take a nap.

Spiritual / Emotional / Mental / Physical. These are my categories. I call it my SEMP life…I do love abbreviated coded renditions of names yielding meaning as they help to express thoughts just a little more succinctly. For instance, how much easier is it just to say “I do love acronyms” and move on. See my point?

Now, the order of SEMP is just as important as the content of it because each category lends itself to the next – plus, can you imagine a PMES life? Ridiculous right? I mean, that doesn’t even make sense. No, it must be SEMP. It places what’s most important in life clearly in the front.

Fair warning here, perfect SEMP cannot be attained. But it’s certainly worth the effort. It gives a person something to strive for. Of course, as with all things, balance is needed. This is just how I’ve decided to organize and prioritize my day. It’s an imperfection solution, but one that has done me well. I’m curious to hear how you prioritize your life or some of your daily goals? Feel free to share in the comment section below. We’ve covered a lot here, no need to push on. In the immortal words of Thomas Edison, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is…to take regular naps.”

OK, I changed that around a bit.

I would adjust it…but it’s nap time.

Jack of all trades, master of…fun?

Day 38…I got to Day 38. I’m happy with that.

It’s been a busy month. Sometimes life hits us with the unexpected. This can be a problem if you are trying to reach a particular goal. Which is why I need things written down. It’s a reminder of the end goal. A reference to rely on. Plus I’m old…I forget things.

I can’t tell you how many times I was on Day 14 or 15 of my 100 and found myself half way through a PB&J before I realized “GOAL 20 – NO BREAD Forfar!” Dang it!

Now, that’s not what happened this time, but that’s a subject for another post. Most of my daily goals are in support of larger yearly or lifetime goals. For instance, Daily goal: Practice Spanish – Yearly goal: Conversational Spanish. Daily goal: No complaining. Lifetime goal: Be a grateful, happy person…(that pushes all negative emotion into a small little ball into the pit of my stomach.) I’m still working this one out, but you get the idea.

Jordan B. Peterson, a clinical psychiatrist from Canada had a decent thought on marrying short term and long term goals when he wrote “Orient yourself properly. Then–and only then–concentrate on the day. Set your sights at the Good, the Beautiful, and the True, and then focus pointedly and carefully on the concerns of each moment…Aim for paradise, focus on today.”

Aim for paradise, focus on today.
Jordan B. Peterson

Essentially, we need to know where we’re going before we decide to take a left or right at the fork in the road ahead of us. (or tell anyone else which way to go) It’s good advice but, at times, difficult to execute. Especially when your constantly coming across new and interesting things. This is probably my biggest issue. I have difficultly focusing on one thing in order to get really good at it. There’s just too much to learn!

Jack of all trades is a master of none.
Robert Greene

I’d say this term applies to many of us. The quote was made famous back in 1592 by Robert Greene in his tract entitled “Greenes, Groats Worth of Wit.” Which was a written as a moralistic tale surrounding the actors and playwrights of the day, but it was ultimately revealed as being a – somewhat spiteful -autobiography of Greene’s own life. The quote, many think, refers to a relative new comer on the playwright scene, William Shakespeare. He hung around the theaters handling everything from set design, costumes, even directing. Greene labelled him a “Jack of all trades (or Johnny do it all),” as he felt he had a self inflated view of himself.

But the quote has evolved over the years, I mean, if Shakespeare was a “Jack of all trades,” who else wouldn’t want to be? And so, sometime after, the quote was refined to “Jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” I like this better. While there is some truth in it for daily living, it may not be the case if one truly wants to achieve the highest level of success in one given field, but then again, Shakespeare did it, sooooo…

Plus, focusing on just one thing can get drab, life has so many fascinating, compelling activities to learn. For instance, picture this, you’re moving peacefully through your 100, things are going well, when out of nowhere you happen across a video of a guy jumping forward but then tucking into a back flip. What?! How is that possible? On a chart of 1-10, one being lame and ten being straight fire, it’s like a 12. I mean, it’s a forward moving back flip!! Who wouldn’t want to know how to do that??? Add it to the list. Gainer.

Straight Fire!!

Did you know Tom Cruise can hold his breath for six minutes? Man! What if I’m ever in a situation where I need to hold my breath for six minutes? Like, what if my family is across a lagoon in need desperate need of rescue, but the water is on fire from an oil spill and the only way to get to them is to swim under it? Then what??? Yep…add it to the list! 6 minute breath hold!

I don’t always watch movies where someone is trapped underwater…but when I do, I’ll hold my breath until they surface.

Soooo…he’s hand standing…he does a freestanding handstand push up…AND THEN pushes himself up so forcefully he’s able to clap his hands together before landing again on his hands? Aaaaaaaah ya…add it to the list. Handstand hand jumpy thing.

What???

I never used to change the 100, what I started with is what I finished with. The only problem with that is we are constantly learning. And what I think is correct or interesting today, may not necessarily be what I conclude or find relevant tomorrow.

The perfect example of this is with diet, I could make some arbitrary rule about not eating any carbs (and I have – see Goal 20 above) because I read an article that says all carbs turn to glucose, which the body then stores as glycogen, and if you know anything about glycogen, it looooves hanging out around your hips. For those that know me well, I’m a little hippy…it’s a bit of sore spot. (actually more cushy than sore)

Solution? Cut the carbs!

But then I read a study published by Harvard School of Public Health that found cutting carbs from your diet can increase your chance of premature death….huh, what? Did you say death?

Get me a ham sandwich!

This helps us realize we can’t be too static with our goals, we have to adjust as we learn. Plus, as mentioned, it can get boring not switching things up every now and again. It’s not the result that ends up shaping us anyways, it’s the daily grind. That might sound miserable, but it’s not meant too. When you grind a rock, a diamond can emerge (or a really pretty polished rock!) It’s in the moments of day to day life that we become who we are and if our compass is set straight at our ideal then the grind is a means to an end of becoming something beautiful.

So I engaged in “the daily grind” for 38 days and made some real progress, I achieved some of my bigger goals. But now I need to adjust my sails, ready to set course again, will I make a 100 days? Who knows? It’s day 2…the grind continues.

The Necessity of Specificity

Day 8…

Over the years I’ve had several people ask me what my 100 includes. It’s not that I mind answering, but it can get a little personal. It’s like asking a guy “When was the last time you cried?” or “How much time do you spend fixing your hair in the morning?” Sure, there’s an answer, but it could get awkward.

My solution to this is to just share enough, maybe a few of the highlights. The stuff that most people are trying to improve on anyways. Goals such as read more, limit social media, eat heathy, yada, yada, yada…just so they get the gist of it. Of course, most things on the 100 are like this. There may be just one or two points that speak directly to a glaring personality flaw that needs attention.

The funny thing is, most people we spend time with are aware our glaring personality faults anyways – they are glaring – so why not just tell them? Otherwise, they be like “How is…not being a whiner, NOT on his list???” Well, maybe it is, but no one wants you to get that vulnerable in small talk, it just makes people uncomfortable.

Like when you’re the only person at a yard sale and you slowly meander off without buying anything. Awkward! Or you run into someone you sort of know and after a bit of clunky conversation say goodbye, but then both of you start walking off in the same direction! Ugh, what now? Or opening a gift in front of someone… ”Oh, tube socks, how thoughtful.”

I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

I have found that if a goal does get put on “The 100” it needs to be as detailed as possible. Otherwise, it’s just too easy to find a loophole.

Goal: Eat Healthy.

I remember reading somewhere, it’s better to eat a donut for breakfast than nothing at all. I live by those words! It’s the healthy alternative. Check

Goal: Workout.

I walked to the kitchen to get the donut. Check.

Goal: Limit Social Media.

It’s been 10 minutes! Check

If we’re not specific, we get really great at writing goals down, but not so great at actually changing anything. Being specific makes it easier to start. It makes it easier to be proactive because we know exactly what needs doing. Speaking in generalities doesn’t give our mind direction, specificity does.

This isn’t a new thought, a study done by the Journal of Consumer Research found that having fixed structures on Goal Completion had a positive impact. While one might think having greater flexibility would increase motivation to complete said goals, as it turns out, the more rigid and detailed we are with our goals the higher the chance we have of actually completing them.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

This can be daunting, because when we’re specific and we know exactly what’s required of us, there’s no wriggling out of it. There’s no room for interpretation in “Do 10 push up every morning” or “Don’t eat twinkies after midnight.” Which brings up another important aspect of goal setting…focus on the process.

I may have the goal to do a planche push up, but it’s going to go nowhere if I don’t set up a plan-che to get there – see what I did there??? This is what I call a stretch goal, we have these in the sales world – my prior life – here’s your goal and here’s your goal if everything hits perfectly. Of course, it’s not the norm to hit these goals, but it keeps you pushing beyond what you typically might do in a day…and it’s fun to dream.

Planche Push Up Plan

Step 1…learn how to say planche

Step 2…

One note of caution, there have been many a day where my goals became more about completing a check list of things and not actually learning anything new. That doesn’t help anything. The process of completing each goal must be deliberate and thoughtful. There’s no sense in reading a chapter of the Bible each day if we’re not meditating on it. At that point, we’re just covering material, it’s not changing anything. Same goes for practicing Spanish or improving our relationships, when the focus is on the task at hand it needs our full attention.

That said, I do use my reminders app to check off my goals as they get done. It’s as addicting as my Instagram feed, each time I check off a task I get a little boost of serotonin to the brain, and it craves more. It becomes more desirable than the pain of starting that workout or working on that trilling R.

My last thought on goal setting…isn’t actually my thought.

If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.
Mark Twain

While this is fantastic advice for eating frogs, it also helps with our goals. Just start, the earlier the better. And get the uncomfortable stuff out of the way first…dread will increase with each hour that passes and we don’t get started which can lead to productivity paralyzation.

Motivation isn’t some magical substance that descends upon the few privileged. Action begets motivation. Just the act of starting can give us a boost of motivation to propel us forward to the next action…and so on and so on. It worked with this blog post, it can work for you, although, full disclosure, I’m not sure it would work with eating frogs.

Every dog has its day…just not today.

I have a confession to make…I yelled at my dog. I’m not proud of it, but it happened. To to be fair though, he had it coming. I should give you some context.

Huck is a great, nay, amazing dog. He’s playful when you want him to be, loyal to a fault and (most times) eager to please. Sure, he can get a little needy at times, but what dog doesn’t? The only time he really tends to get excited is if he happens to catch any…little…movement…at…all through the front or back door windows. In which case, he will launch into a chaotic barking frenzy, just so everyone in the household is aware that my neighbor Randall is trimming the hedge, or a car has driven by the front of the house slowly, or a car has driven by the front of the house quickly, or a bird has landed in a tree…you get the idea.

I normally deal with this in a relatively calm manner…I mean, he’s a dog. Dogs bark. And telling him “Huck, don’t do that!” doesn’t work. I tried that the first 800 times. So typically, I just call him over, thank him for loyally protecting our house from all sort of walking, driving and flying predators and we all move on with our day.

It’s not you, it’s me.

I need you to picture my day. I hadn’t got much sleep the night prior, we were moving into the fourth day of no water to the house (Our village water pump blew up) and we had no real hope of it being restored anytime soon. In addition, there seemed to be an inordinate amount of traffic in and around the house that day. Ever vigilant Huck was on duty, letting us know of each nefarious movement that occurred, as in his eyes, any of these could lead to disaster!! The household had to be warned! I had patiently thanked him for each, but he was wearing on me. I was growing, umm…weary of it. I had been waiting for a friend to stop by and noticed him pull up to the house, open the gate and walk toward the front door. Huck must have been busy chewing at his paws because there was no outburst of earsplitting yelping warning of the impending potential calamity approaching the door, so I got up to greet him. As I approached the door Huck caught wind of what was going down and like Usain Bolt running for gold tore through the dining room while simultaneously scream barking in sharp high-pitched succession as if to warn me that a six-alarm fire was raging beyond the door! It was at this point that my automatic reflex system took over! I turned and…yes…yelled at my dog.

(Disclaimer: Some of the preceding events have been vastly exaggerated to make the writer look and feel better)

You may wonder why I’m sharing my deepest darkest secrets with you in todays post? In short: Goal 11 – Be Patient

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
Aristotle

Patience is only one of two qualities I have on my 100. It’s on there because of its importance. It requires self-control. Developing self-control comes with a litany of benefits – it helps with follow through on decision making, it increases your chances of success in any endeavor and provides a general sense of well-being. Without patience we act too quickly, speak too rashly, get frustrated too easy and potentially we may even end up…yelling at our dog. That’s not good for anyone.

I like to think of it as the difference between acting and reacting. When we react, many times it’s automatic and not always the most logical course of action available to us. But by waiting, thinking, and then acting, our response can be tailored to the situation at hand – minus the heightened emotion. While hard at first, it does get easier. It’s like a muscle, the more we work it, the stronger it gets. Because when we hold that initial frustration in, stop that sharp comment from coming out and take a moment to think of a better way to say or express our thought, an amazing thing happens…our relationships get better. Every one of them. Patience gets addicting in that way, the payoff is so much better than the short burst of anger impatience brings, which typically comes saddled with hurt feelings, regret, guilt, and yes, puppy dog eyes.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy
Ruzwana Bashir

Of course, this means “The 100” gets re-set back to Day 1. There is no way around it. Those are the rules. While in the past, failure to meet my goals would send me in a tizzy. I’ve learned over the years not to let one mistake send me into a whirlpool of self-destruction. “I yelled at the dog. Might as well go get some fried ice cream now!!”

I’ve learned to differentiate the failure from being a failure. Those two bleed over into each all too often and don’t accurately represent the person who is trying. Successful people try, they fail, then they try again. That’s just the way we learn. Not that I enjoy failing, but it does have its place.

My dog and I have since made up. He made mistakes, I made mistakes, he still barks at every little thing, but we’re past that now. I’m better for it because now I know what could potentially cause me to lose my cool and I can take steps to guard against it. While it does stink that I have to reset the 100, it’s not the end of the world…remember, I do love Day 1.

The cure for the common…[False Hope Syndrome]

Day 11….

Remember the hopeful, energetic, confident optimist we were on Day 1? Yeah, he’s not around anymore. Instead, I find more of an objective realist in his place. It’s at this point in “The 100” where I usually start to question…is this sustainable? Was I too grandiose in my own ideal? In what I thought I was capable of? Maybe I need to rethink some of my aspirations? Maybe, just maybe…I’m not meant to be ambidextrous? Ten days of writing with my left hand and it still looks like chicken scratch!?!

Side point, Ben Franklin, Nikola Tesla, Einstein, Da Vinci! Lebron James!! All ambidextrous. Now I’m not saying you have to be ambidextrous to achieve this level of success. But I’m not not saying it as well! In addition, what if you find yourself in a sword dual and your right arm gets pinned or injured? How convenient it would be just to throw the sword to your left hand and continue to victory! That’s not happening without a little practice people! But I digress.

Inigo Montoya (Ambidextrous!!) The Princess Bride

Ten days is a long time, it’s easy to look at what you’ve been doing so far and feel like the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. This is where False Hope Syndrome can settle in, a term coined by the International Journal of Obesity. They have a whole paper on it, click the link if you’re interested in reading up on it. It essentially speaks to what people’s expectation of themselves are when engaging in self change versus the reality. The sad truth is things don’t always change as fast as we’d like them and that can get frustrating. Worse, it can cause us to give up. I mean, what’s the point if I don’t see progress, right?

But why do we engage in self-improvement? Is it only to see progress or results? If so, is that enough to sustain us? If not, what can? Most people like to feel in control of their life, even in low-control circumstances. The paper I cited above points to a study done with cancer patients:

“In the real world, cancer patients who have greater perceptions of control over their disease are less depressed, even factoring in such related components as physical functioning and marital satisfaction. Even so a minor behavioral effort at controlling one’s problems such as making a telephone call to schedule an appointment with a psychotherapist produces measurable improvement in distressed individuals.”

We feel good, even when we’re not in complete control of our circumstances, if we just make small choices that can affect us positively. However, this is where being realistic is so important. One of the first drafts of my 100 had “No processed foods, no bread, no dairy, no sugar or enjoyment of food.” Ok, so it didn’t have the “enjoyment of food” part, but you get the idea. It just wasn’t sustainable. Inevitably, nine or ten days in I’d get elbow deep into a bag of Doritos and wake up on the couch three hours later with red crumbs on my chest and a half-eaten sleeve of Oreos next to me.

That said, not all good habits take ten days to start seeing results. A big boost can come just from being in tune with how we feel from engaging in them. It’s funny to look back and realize, but it took me a very…very long time – like decades – to realize what I put in my mouth affects how I feel. Duh! Seems obvious now. Over time, that desire to feel good after I ate eventually became stronger than the lure of fudge brownies. Crazy I know, but it does happen!

A mans reach should exceed his grasp.
Robert Browning

I know I probably won’t be ambidextrous any time soon, if ever. But a lot of the enjoyment of my 100 comes just from trying. A person should attempt even those things that may turn out to be impossible, because who knows? They may not be. What’s the alternative anyways. Not try? That doesn’t sound very fun.

Eventually, I did have to pare down my dietary expectations to just include “No bread (not good for my waistline) and no added sugar – chocolate bars, gummy worms, donuts (insert sad face here) and the like. I had success with that. This time round, I’ve added in no processed foods. So far so good. Growth is like that, it’s a slow, meandering giant. A refining process that takes time.

What one man can do, so can another.
Robert A Glover

While the above statement probably isn’t accurate – I’m not going to be slam dunking any time soon – I love the idea of it. My belief in this simple statement is what gets me excited to try!! So, if I can’t dunk like Lebron, why not write like Lebron…90 days to go…watch out James! I’m coming.

Yours truly,

From Russia with Love…and camels.

Day 8….

One week is a milestone. My mindset going into any challenge is if you can do it for a day, you can do it for two. If you can do it for a week, then yeah, you can do it for two. That said, things come up. Life can get in the way, unexpected things that we don’t have control over can interfere with our best laid plans. And then sometimes, I’m just tired and don’t want to practice Spanish! What…to…do?

I recently read this book called A Gentleman in Moscow. It’s one of those books you can read and then start re-reading again as soon as you’re done. You don’t want it to end. If you’re a fan of historical fiction, you’ll like this. It’s set in Moscow after the Russian Revolution when the Bolsheviks took power. It follows, no surprise here, a gentleman named Count Alexander Llyich Rostov and his life from 1922 to 1954 after he’s placed under house arrest in the Metropol Hotel because of a poem that surfaced indicating his revolutionary sympathies.

First off, I found the set up interesting. That poetry could be a call to action, a catalyst to make changes in your life. Motivation to strive for an ideal. Some might shrug that off as overstated but go read Rudyard Kipling’s ‘If’ and tell me it doesn’t inspire you to be better man or steal five minutes of your day to take in Lord Byron’s ‘She Walks in Beauty’ and try not to get love drunk around your boo. Poetry motivates. Any avid reader of the Psalms will wholeheartedly agree. But I’m getting off topic, I’ll bring it around, I promise.

So Count Rostov is stuck in the palatial Metropol Hotel. While it’s true, there are seemingly worse places to be confined to than a luxurious Hotel in downtown Moscow, one still could get down-hearted being stuck in any one place for 30+ years. I live in a fairly beautiful place, but two months into the pandemic lockdown and I was feeling more than a little “unbalanced.” This is when I met our Count Rostov, so his words resonated with my soul!! Ok, maybe a little dramatic, but you were there too, you know what I mean.

In the opening chapters of the book after we get the background of the Count and his situation, we find him struggling with his circumstances and how in the world he can make the best of them. Much of the anxiety we place on ourselves is about the unknown. What could happen? What might happen? What if this happens? Wait! What if THAT happens? What was Rostov’s way of dealing with this anxiety?

Man must master his circumstances or otherwise be mastered by them.
Count Rostov – A Gentleman in Moscow

I loved this thought. The execution is a little more difficult though. How does one master his circumstances? Especially if you don’t have control over them. That last statement is a bit of a misnomer. To a degree, we all have a level of control with the circumstances we’re given. It’s what we choose to do after, that can define us.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau

Put the work in and things tend to happen, typically when you don’t expect them to happen. The best way to get confident about something is practice, go do it. This is what I took from Rostov. Don’t wait around for things to happen to you, move forward with the circumstances you have and then feel good about the little wins. Goal 2 on my 100 – Make Bed. Easy enough and it leaves me feeling like I accomplished something. It gives me a little boost of dopamine and helps me move on to my next task. The little wins lead to bigger wins. Goal 3 – Cold Shower. A little more difficult but feels great afterward, gets the blood flowing and wakes you up! Goal 5 – Read…and so on and so on. One leads to the next, which motivates one to continue.

In the not so distant past, I remember asking myself why I’m not motivated to get things done. I had goals and aspirations, but at times, I just didn’t feel like doing the work. It wasn’t until after much frustration and self-doubt that I realized it’s action that motivates. Just get moving or just get doing and the desire will follow. We all know what we should do, a lot of times it just comes down to doing it, and when we see results, that’s an added boost.

Do today what others won’t, so you can do tomorrow what others can’t.
Jerry Rice

Jerry Rice said that, and he is arguably the best Wide Receiver in NFL history. It might sound a little haughty, but there’s truth in his words. If you want to improve in anything, the first step is starting. If you want to become the best camel jumper (it’s a thing!) in Yemen, then you have to put in the time! You have to wake up every day and jump camels!

Look at that guy jump camels! That didn’t happen overnight. He probably started with jumping chickens as a child and slowly worked up to street dogs, then lamas! Now he’s jumping camels! That’s the way progress works. Most times it’s not as fast as we want it to happen. But there’s joy in the journey, and the good news is…it’s a beautiful day to go after your dreams.

Thoreau me a bone

Day 4.

Day 4 is always a little “iffy.” It’s not so far into the 100 where it would be terrible if I just started over. Monday is a short three days away, we could just start over then? Dubious Sean starts planting little questions in my mind, then begins offering appealing alternatives to lazy Sean.

“Hey, we could just sit on the couch and catch up on Alone? We only have 9 episodes to go in the season, let’s knock it out this afternoon!”

“Is that lady selling fresh donuts? You LOVE donuts. Whens the last time you had a homemade donut? Chances like this don’t come around too often!”

So a few things to unpack about the above…

First, why didn’t I have a donut on Sunday? Seems like a pretty obvious indulgence to take care of pre-100. What was I thinking?

Second, why do we alway pick Monday to start a new habit? Why not a Tuesday or a Thursday? Why not any day? If it’s something we truly want to do, why not just start…now. 80% of new year resolutions fail, not the best stats. I don’t think I’d engage in too many activities that were churning out numbers like that. “Welcome to your flight, there is a 70% chance of rain in our destination city, but don’t worry, we only have a 20% chance of making it there.” No thank you.

Third, why do I watch other people do things on TV that I want to be doing? Certainly there is a place for it, to get inspired or motivated to learn some new skill or how to do some new activity, but there is a balance. I don’t ever see people on TV watching TV, they’re doing things! You don’t see Bear Grylls catching up on the Gilmore Girls in Man vs Wild! In addition, the majority of TV is scripted and not really something on which to base our life decisions, which sort of makes it even more insidious. It sets up an unattainable ideal. Reminder to self: Turn off the TV. Go do something.

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing”
Ben Franklin

I quoted Thoreau in my first post, he took Franklins advice above and did both. He’s the guy that wrote Walden. Walden is a pond in Concord Massachusetts where by Thoreau, a poet and a naturalist, abandoned the norm in the big city to venture into the forest and live life on his terms. He wanted to answer ‘what did we truly need to survive and thrive?’ Or as he put it “I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms…”

To…”suck out all the marrow of life” Ha, what a great line. He wanted to enjoy life and not move through it so rapidly that he missed the beauty of it. You might remember this quote from the Dead Poets Society. It was the opening message for the DPS meetings in the woods.

Dead Poets Society

But how does one go about that?

Some have summed up the answer using the old latin phrase “Carpe Diem” or Seize the Day! A phrase that was originally penned by the Roman Poet Horace. While that sentiment can be alluring, many people fail to quote the rest of his passage – quam minimum credula postero – which loosely translated means “put very little trust in tomorrow (or the future)” Well that doesn’t sound very motivating? Especially to those that look forward to the future. Why put in the work if there is no tomorrow? Not especially appealing. There has to be a happy medium one can find between a hopeful future and an engaging today.

Thoreau certainly thought so, he didn’t stay in the woods forever. He ended up moving back to Concord stating “I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one.”

There’s just so much to learn and experience, but much of this world is focused on getting us to scroll through highlights of some curated Instagram account or sit on a couch to watch others live life. It’s like junk food for the brain and the payoff is increased fatigue and a pot belly. Awesome. But, if I can fill my day with productive tasks, it leaves little time for waste, which is important, because the days are wicked and really don’t have your best interests at heart.

This is why I put together my 100. As a means to get me off of the couch and do the things I know are good for me. It helps me to enjoy the present while building excitement for the future and when my lazy self tells me to fold the hands a little more…my inquisitive, adventurous self can respond “I’d rather go suck out the marrow of life…or maybe just grab a donut.” (It’s about balance people!)

Day 1

It’s Day 1.

I love Day 1. It’s new, exciting, refreshing, chock full of “what if’s” and potential. “Our only limitations, are the ones we set up in our own minds.” Napoleon Hill, the father of self help, said that. He went onto insist that fervid expectations are essential to improving ones life. And while there is truth in that, one needs to go about it the right way. Napoleon Hill didn’t, he was a con man, not the best example! So, how one does, is just as important as what one does.

It was actually a different quote that started my obsession with the 100. While I can’t remember where I initially heard or read it, I can rattle it off by heart now. “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” It had been attributed to Aristotle, which in itself gave it a little more of an heir of authority. I’ve heard he was a pretty smart guy. But, as it turns out Arty didn’t say it at all, it was actually an American philosopher named Wil Durant. He was summarizing a thought from one of Arty’s books, Nicomachean Ethics, which said something like “these virtues are formed in man by his doing the actions”….not bad, but I like Wil’s quote better.

At the time I had been reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers which talks a little about the 10,000 hour rule. Essentially stating “it takes 10,000 hours of intensive practice to achieve mastery of complex skills and materials.” Like playing the piano or getting as good as Bill Gates at computer programming.” I thought, if it worked for Bill and Wolfgang it should work for me. It seemed to me that with a little repetition of the things in life I wanted to learn or the things in life that were important to me, then…I would improve. Of course, as with most things, there was a little more to it than just that – 10,000 hours is a long time – it would have to be more than just practice and repetition. Then a beautiful new term was introduced to me…deliberate practice.

It came from author Geoff Colvin, who wrote Talent is Overrated (great title right?) It was right up my ally, because looking at myself I didn’t seem to have any particularly outstanding talent. He said “Deliberate practice is activity designed specifically to improve performance.” Basically, look at what you need to improve on, in whatever field you want to improve in (i.e. golf, sales, public speaking, snake milker, etc) and then work at what you’re not good at. We typically like doing the things we’re good at because it makes us feel good. When I play golf I use irons for everything, because I can hit them, and I feel good when I get ahold of that ball and send it down the fairway. Compare that feeling to ‘duffing it’ into the lake with my driver…not so great a feeling! Deliberate practice would have me pull out my driver and practice with it until I can hit it just as good as my irons. It’s not very fun. But it does get results.

With these thoughts swirling around in my head I came across a 2009 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology (just a little bed side reading I do) which stated it takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form a new habit. It also concluded that, on average, it takes 66 days for that “said habit” to become automatic. Well, I had a number of habits I wanted to become automatic. Why not write them all down and then try to do each until they become second nature. That said, 66 days still seemed a little short. I wanted these habits to stick, in addition 66 days is just an average, some would take longer to ameliorate. But how long would it take? 254 days? Goodness no, that seemed way too long. My prior sales training told me it had to be attainable and reasonable. I had to be able to see the carrot in the distance. Furthermore, it had to sound cool, because…why do something if it doesn’t sound cool?…and so “The 100” was born.

100 Days of Self Improvement! Seemed like a worthy endeavor, but what goals to include?

This is a blog about my experience with The 100. Of course I have my own goals, my own aspirations or ideals of what a well rounded person should be. What I should be. Everyone does, I think. But there are a number of “goal” categories or groupings, if you will, that I feel could apply to us all. Spiritual, emotional, mental, physical and financial (although I included financial, I have some strong reservations as to whether it should be included at all…but we’ll get into that later)

That said…its Day 1 people, today is THE DAY! Chock full of “what if’s” and potential, time to stop writing and get after it.

Introductions

My name is Sean Forfar, I currently live in Cayo, Belize with my wife and son. We moved here three years ago to find a simpler way of living, one in which we could focus on the more important things. Henry David Thoreau once wrote “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” We didn’t go to the woods, but rather the jungle (same difference right?) There is something refreshing about living so close to nature, it calms the mind and sparks creativity.

I love learning, that is something that didn’t take hold in me until well after my formal schooling years were done! There is so much in this life to learn, to experience, to know. The older I get, the more I realize I really don’t know anything – not because I haven’t learned anything – but it’s a drop in the bucket and every time I turn a corner the bucket gets bigger…and time marches on.

Miles Davis said “Time isn’t the main thing, it’s the ONLY thing.” It got me asking, how am I using my time? Am I using it to the full? Will I regret how I’ve spent my time? Or will I be thankful for the time I had?

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I enjoy the process of writing, putting my thoughts into words or attempting to explain an idea in a simple, entertaining, easy to digest kind of way. This blog is a manifestation of that desire. I’ll warn you up front, it ain’t all going to be gold! Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist back in the early 1900’s wrote “The fool is the precursor to the savior.” Not that this blog is going to save anyone, but his point was that you have to be willing to look foolish to eventually get good at anything. The good news is, I’m great at looking foolish!

I’m reminded of this thought almost daily as I attempt to learn Spanish or memorize poetry or practice handstands. When I started, I looked pretty foolish, I sounded pretty foolish (and probably still do) but I’m getting better. Maybe not as fast as some others, but I am getting better.

We can’t become what we want by remaining who we are.
Max Dupree

Who did I want to be? The answer to that had to affect my day to day, because explorers explore, gymnasts do handstands, romantics learn poetry and writers, well…writers write.

This blog is called “The 100” It stands for 100 days. 100 days straight of completing each of my goals without incident (or without missing one). It’s evolved over time, but it ended up being a list of twenty goals or actions, that I would do either daily or weekly, depending on the goal. A few of my daily goals included reading the Bible, practicing Spanish or being patient. Some of my weekly goals included working out at least three times, practicing handstands and having a date night with my wife. If I missed one of my goals, if I forgot to practice Spanish or didn’t get to that date night, I started over…back to Day 1.

It took a while, but I completed it. It left me asking, what next? The 200? The 1000? Neither of which have the same ring to it, the truth is everyone needs a break from their goals, from bettering themselves, a break just to be themselves. To enjoy the fruits of their labor so to speak and enjoy who they’ve become. But it’s a balancing act. To get too comfortable can set you back as well and the longer you rest, the harder it is to stand up. I’m not sure who said it, but it bears repeating, the comfort zone is where dreams go to die. There is a part of life where we need the struggle, we need to suffer to enjoy the good bits of life. When I say suffer, I obvious don’t mean tragedy, I wouldn’t want anyone to experience disaster in their life. I’m referring more to the unpleasantness that we experience in the learning curve, when we don’t know the answer, when we don’t know the movement, when we have to push just to finish the day. But once we get through that bit, just the experience of having endured it gives us joy. That’s what I chase.

This is a blog to chronicle my next 100 days. It’s my hope that by writing about it, I can develop a better sense of who I am and who I want to become and just maybe, a few of you will enjoy reading about it.

And so the answer to my question, what’s next? ….back to Day 1

(The 100 begins Monday)